we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
