Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
