I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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