If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
