So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
