Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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