Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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