I just saw a hot homeless man
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
