you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
