This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
