It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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