apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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