I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
