Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
