I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
