When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We're too hungover to prance.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
