so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
