So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
