just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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