you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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