batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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