it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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