Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
