i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
