i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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