Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm too high and old for this...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
