Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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