Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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