and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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