Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
