dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
