this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
