i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
