Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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