Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
