Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize