I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
