This dress was meant to end up on your floor
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
