Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
