thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
