guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize