so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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