My room smells like vodka and shame
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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