theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
barbara walters just said penis...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
