are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
