I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
