You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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