That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
