I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
