New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
