I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
