my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
