Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize