break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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