Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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