I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
