Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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