can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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