they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
