I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
