I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
