u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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