just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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