One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
