She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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