..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize