i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
