Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize