even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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