Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
