so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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