Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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