My hand turned me down
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
