you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
