return my video game
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
