dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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