ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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