I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
