we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
