What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
