There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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