What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
