Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
