i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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