WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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