my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
