If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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