Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
