no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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