Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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