This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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