I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
