After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
