This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
