piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize