i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
