Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
