The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
