walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
