Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think i have two assholes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
