Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize