So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
