and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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