cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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