So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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