She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need water and some morals
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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