So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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