remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
