Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
