You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
