your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
