Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
