I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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