boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
