I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize