I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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