Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
