I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
