i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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