i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
